The overuse of 'he' and 'she'.

Editors complain about the overuse of the pronouns 'he' and 'she' and I'm very aware of  them after one editor pointed out I had several in a long paragraph. The editor suggested I use more conjunctions. There must be a better way. I think it's too easy to fall into the habit of joining clauses that makes the writing read like a list. When I did a Find on one of my completed stories, I saw clusters of 'she', but in at least one of those sections, I was aiming for emphasis. In two paragraphs I found:
She rolled  She watched  she stretched, she murmured. she revelled
 Since 'she' is the only character in the scene I couldn't use her name. We don't usually think of ourselves by name. I could use rolling, watching, etc, but somewhere in the sentence 'she' would still appear and I need her to act in this way.
It's the same with 'I'. When the 'I' character narrates the scene, describing his actions and reactions, how do you avoid the 'potato effect'? i.e. text with too many eyes.
When reading novels, one begins by studying the prose but if the story is worth reading, one soon becomes absorbed and forgets to pay attention to the details of the author's craft.

In the previous sentence I would have been more comfortable using 'I' instead of 'one'.
Ho Hum, this is one dilemma this writer is determined to overcome.

Welcome Tricia McGill

Sneak a Peek welcomes Award winning, multi published, Aussie Author, Tricia McGill from Cranbourne, Victoria.  Tricia's novels cover the Modern Romance, Time Travel, Historical and Futeristic Mainstream genres. Her latest book, Remy, won the editor's choice and will be released by MuseItUp Publishing in August.
Apart from writing, Tricia loves to travel and, with her late husband, she travelled extensively around Australia, for years, towing a caravan. 

 

I envy you Tricia. What a wonderful way to gather material, soak up the environment and research stories with a true Australian flavour. We look forward to talking about our writing with like-minded people. I'm so glad you are in our group.

Wendy

Little Aussie Premmies... Why I am wearing GREEN Today....

Today is a national day for raising awareness of premature babies by asking us to Wear GREEN for Premmies.....
I have shared a little of my experience watching my granddaughter grow from 808gms, born 100 days early, to a thriving three and a half year old.
Being a grandmother is a huge part of my life. Even being an author comes in second when there are cuddles available. If you visit my blog today you might understand why.
 Ramblings from Lady Rosalie

Autumn arrives...

Autumn has arrived with a vengeance. Daylight saving has ended and as if on cue Autumn arrives.
I am listening to rain on the tin roof. That magical sound that seems to encapsulate an Aussie autumn. It's not cold enough for a fire, but I have a jumper on for the first time in ages.
The other night we had a massive electrical storm.
Lying awake watching the lightning, listening to the rolling thunder and smelling the earthy dampness, but warm and snug is an experience we Aussies expect from the change in season.
We had 100ml in a little over an hour.
Autumn rain.
Tonight the blankets will come out of storage. The swimming pool is full now but it's too cold to swim.
Summer seems to have fizzled out without making a mark on this year. Other than floods, fires and cyclones. Well... that's not really a normal summer. That's Nature's fury.
Summer is supposed to be oppressive heat and humidity, flies, cicadas and sweat. Runnels of sweat, nights alive with mosquitoes, midges and the taste of Aerogard on your bbq'd steak. Now that's Summer.
Autumn is winter without any excuse to complain. It's not too cold, it's not too hot. There is a threat of cooler nights but the days here are perfect.
Winter might be lingering around the next corner, but hey... this close to the coast that's hardly a threat. We don't even get frost here.
Winter days are glorious sunshine, cold brisk breezes and hours of whale watching.
Autumn's Peril.. Great name for a book.. but in truth, here there is very little peril in Autumn. Not here, in the lucky country. What do you reckon?

How Long is a Book?

from Jacqueline George

How long is a book today? Silly question, as any author can tell you. A book is as long as it needs to be, and that is that.

Except, of course, it isn’t. You write a book and the first thing that happens to your perfect creation is the editor diving in with her scalpel. At least, she uses her scalpel if you are lucky. If she’s feeling mean, she might well go for her fire-axe. Voilà, there is your book, shorter and hopefully all the better for it.

The next person with ideas about the length of your book is the publisher. For them, your book is no more than a commodity to be sold, and they know very well that it costs less to produce a short book than a long one. They will have an ideal length in mind and will not even look at anything longer. For some it might be a slim 200 - 250 pages (perhaps 80,000 words maximum). And those are the serious publishers.

Start looking at specific markets, and the sizes get smaller. Romance? No romantic reader can possibly survive more than 50,000 words. Young adults? 50,000 words? You must be joking – everyone knows kids have the attention span of a gold fish. Cut it to 35,000. Unless you can make it into a trilogy. Kids love trilogies and we make three times as much money.

Before long they will have us sending in our manuscripts by SMS. Oops – that’s been done. Japanese publishers are big on books for mobile phones.

Have you considered reducing your book to a novella (10-20,000 words). Modern readers love novellas. No – forget that. Publish a short story instead. Short stories as ebooks are all the rage.

But what about Harry Potter? J K Rowling writes enormous doorstops, and everyone loves them. Ah, well, she’s smart enough to make her own rules, and her readers do like to read, even if they are young.

What am I doing about the problem? I’m hedging my bets. Finishing an 80,000 word story set in Queensland, and experimenting with a 10,000 ebook selling for $1.99 – half the cost of a cup of coffee. Let’s see what the future holds...

©Jacqueline George All rights reserved.

Jacqueline George lives in Cooktown, Far North Queensland. She enjoys the relaxed lifestyle there, and finds plenty of time write books, some of which are far too naughty for her own good.

Jacqueline's home page

Who Would You Cast In Your Novel?

I saw this question on Twitter from http://storycasting.com/ . Good question. In 2000 while I was writing the 1st draft of The Unhewn Stone, I decided that Heath Ledger, the Australian actor who played in A Knight's Tale would make an ideal Stefan (a modern Swiss youth who travels back to 1307AD). But it took so long to finish the novel that the actor had outgrown the part, and then, sadly, he died too young. I haven't been able to think of a suitable replacement. He needs to be able to portray an 18yr old blue-eyed blond, two inches taller than his medieval counterparts. Petulant and proud to begin with.

The main girl is a shape shifting sibyl. She is a dark-eyed dark-haired beauty, the girl of his dreams who becomes a courtier, a Snow White figure, an old crone and a bat.

I think the actors will have to be newcomers. Unknowns who become famous because of their superb acting in the roles of my characters.

Who would play your leading characters?

Congratulations, Calamity's Corner

Congratulations on another excellent Calamity's Corner, Calam. I loved reading how Rowena Cherry, featured author of the month, uses the game of chess when planning a novel and in her novels. When one thinks of it a novel is a lot like chess. The writer makes situations - moves - with characters - chessmen - to surprise and confuse the reader - opponent. The mark of a good book should be how many well thought out situations the writer can put characters through and in the end especially in a thriller or a mystery checkmate the opponent's king. I'll look at the books I read and the books I write with a different eye in future. I was interested in Carole Sutton's photos of Falmouth, Cornwall. Carole is the author of Ferryman and her novel is based in Falmouth. Cornwall always has connotations of Daphne DuMaurier for me. She took me away from the large inland town where I grew up and where I thought nothing interesting happened to her dark world of smugglers and and feisty heroines. In Ferryman, though the reader is aware of the criminals early in the book, there is still the tension of whether the hero will prove his innocence and the criminals brought to justice. Book reviewer, LJ Roberts, has another excellent book review. I have discovered some good books through her reviews. To read all the good things in Calamity's Corner contact calam@live.com.au